Sometimes I wonder if my YouTube videos really make a difference or have any meaningful impact. I worry that they're some kind of vain narcissistic endeavor that any armchair psychologist could write a ten page dissertation on in a manner of minutes. However, making those videos often does feel like therapy, until I get a message asking me if they can ask me a question. Then I feel crazy again. If you have a question, ask me the question. Unless it's a question for some kind of survey, as though I'm some odd specimen to study. My life is not a petri dish or book report for you to present to your classmates. Still, I think that's better than being told how beautiful I am, for a transexual or some other backhanded compliment. That frustrates me and brings out the bitch. The tragedy is that's the people with good intentions, I'm not even going to get into the daily bowel movements I get in ALL CAPS LOCK WITH LOTS OF !!!!!! so I understand how serious they are when they say awful things about people like me.
So it's perfectly reasonable (and probably expected) to question why I spend so much energy subjecting myself to the stupidity of society's lowest common denominators. And though it is a sociological wonder to observe how widely the reasons for hating trans people vary between groups like religious fundamentalists and trans-exclusionary 'radical' feminists, I must be insane to want to build a social media personal brand off my YouTube (for those curious, it's @loosebricks on Twitter, facebook.com/loosebricks, and my blog lifeisgoodmakeitbetter.com).
I do feel batshit crazy a lot of the time. I don't have any obligation or responsibility to try to make transition easier for anyone else, but it's hard not to feel that way when I get messages like:
"Just wanted to say thanks. Thank you for being you. Your selflessness and courage helped me to start becoming who I am almost a year ago. I never thought the life I have now was going to be possible until I started following youtube channels like yours. It has now inspired me to give back to the LGBTQ community that has helped me so much and start putting myself out there."
"We need to see happiness and joy in "our" lives and one happy smiling face or 24 as you posted makes it seem possible for all of us to be happy and smiling with you. God bless and thanks."
Cisgender (the non-othering word to describe someone who is "not trans" that your spell check dictionary won't recognize) folk even get in on the love:
"You've inspired me to just unabashedly be myself."
Those words are my heroin. I've read single word of the 5,250+ messages (mostly positive) I've received as a result of over 925,000 views (it would've been so much cooler to write that with a million views, sadly that's about 20 days away). I can't count the hours I've spent chasing that high that comes with brightening someone's outlook on life by giving them a few minutes of my time. I've been using "life is good, make it better" as my personal motto for years. Now I can live it and use social media helps amplify that effect.
I don't think it's insane for me to think that I can really make things better, or that it's the right thing to do even if it's not always the most pleasant experience. And I know that only talking about it isn't as effective as doing something, so I've started with making being the "T" in LGBT a little easier in the corporate world. As I build a platform, I'll look to cast a wider net. This is just the beginning.