YouTube Heroin(e)

Sometimes I wonder if my YouTube videos really make a difference or have any meaningful impact. I worry that they're some kind of vain narcissistic endeavor that any armchair psychologist could write a ten page dissertation on in a manner of minutes. However, making those videos often does feel like therapy, until I get a message asking me if they can ask me a question. Then I feel crazy again. If you have a question, ask me the question. Unless it's a question for some kind of survey, as though I'm some odd specimen to study. My life is not a petri dish or book report for you to present to your classmates. Still, I think that's better than being told how beautiful I am, for a transexual or some other backhanded compliment. That frustrates me and brings out the bitch. The tragedy is that's the people with good intentions, I'm not even going to get into the daily bowel movements I get in ALL CAPS LOCK WITH LOTS OF !!!!!! so I understand how serious they are when they say awful things about people like me.

So it's perfectly reasonable (and probably expected) to question why I spend so much energy subjecting myself to the stupidity of society's lowest common denominators. And though it is a sociological wonder to observe how widely the reasons for hating trans people vary between groups like religious fundamentalists and trans-exclusionary 'radical' feminists, I must be insane to want to build a social media personal brand off my YouTube (for those curious, it's @loosebricks on Twitter, facebook.com/loosebricks, and my blog lifeisgoodmakeitbetter.com).

I do feel batshit crazy a lot of the time. I don't have any obligation or responsibility to try to make transition easier for anyone else, but it's hard not to feel that way when I get messages like: 

"Just wanted to say thanks. Thank you for being you. Your selflessness and courage helped me to start becoming who I am almost a year ago. I never thought the life I have now was going to be possible until I started following youtube channels like yours. It has now inspired me to give back to the LGBTQ community that has helped me so much and start putting myself out there."

and

"We need to see happiness and joy in "our" lives and one happy smiling face or 24 as you posted makes it seem possible for all of us to be happy and smiling with you. God bless and thanks."

Cisgender (the non-othering word to describe someone who is "not trans" that your spell check dictionary won't recognize) folk even get in on the love: 

"You've inspired me to just unabashedly be myself."

Those words are my heroin. I've read single word of the 5,250+ messages (mostly positive) I've received as a result of over 925,000 views (it would've been so much cooler to write that with a million views, sadly that's about 20 days away). I can't count the hours I've spent chasing that high that comes with brightening someone's outlook on life by giving them a few minutes of my time. I've been using "life is good, make it better" as my personal motto for years. Now I can live it and use social media helps amplify that effect.

I don't think it's insane for me to think that I can really make things better, or that it's the right thing to do even if it's not always the most pleasant experience. And I know that only talking about it isn't as effective as doing something, so I've started with making being the "T" in LGBT a little easier in the corporate world. As I build a platform, I'll look to cast a wider net. This is just the beginning.

Gender marker change letter

This is the wording of the letter my doctor used for my passport application to get my gender marker changed. I also subsequently used it to get it changed on a driver's license (that may or may not work in your state). 

One of the important words is "complete" - as that can mean whatever your doctor thinks (so not necessarily surgery if you won't or haven't had it).

As you can see, it's a really simple letter and pretty easy to obtain since it's really up to your doctor's discretion. I cannot stress the importance of getting your name and gender marker changed to avoid awkward moments and make transition easier from a legal standpoint! A new passport means proper work authorization too, which can also help you avoid HR/insurance hassles later.

Also note that I'd had my legal name change completed at this point. You don't have to, but I don't want people to think that you can change your name on your passport without the proper paperwork (because you can't).

+++++

To Whom It May Concern:

I am writing on behalf of [Full female name], formerly known as [Full male name], [Date of birth]. I am the physician for Ms. [Last name] and known her for [X amount of time]. I have fully evaluated her and provided medical treatment for gender transition from male to female during this time. Ms. [Last name] transition from male to female is completed after appropriate treatment and she is fully recognized as female.

I declare under penalty of perjury under the laws of the United States that the forgoing is true and correct.

[Doctor Signature]

Doctor name

Address

Phone
Medical license #
DEA ID #

+++++

note: the letter was signed and notarized by a public notary, printed on watermarked office letterhead

Let's talk about sex

Let's talk about sex, though 'sex' might not be entirely accurate (since I never have any of it). Specifically,  I'd like to talk about how sex and relationships have worked in my experience as a trans woman. There are a couple of things I've been asked, or heard, that pertain to sex and my transition - so I thought I'd answer them here.

I was going to write a blog post about this, but instead I made a YouTube video. Here are some of the things I talk about:

"Have you had the surgery yet?" If the answer is no, the person typically moves on. So you're attractive enough to fuck, but really, you're just a penis - since apparently that's all that matters.

"I respect trans people for being true to themselves - but I could never be with one"

"Why don't you check out a gay dating site like grindr?" You know, because you're still really a man.

And here's the video itself:

Brandsition

Fruit of the Loom undershirt. Joe Boxer, Izod, or Gap boxers. J. Crew shorts. The same worn leather belt I bought in Greece in the summer of 2001. Ralph Lauren Polo shirt. Boys XL (significantly cheaper than a Men's Small), in any color they make (I owned the rainbow). Sometimes just a Carolina t-shirt. Flip-flops. That was essentially my uniform for ten years. 

Crest Fresh Mint Pro-Health toothpaste. Mitchum roll-on deodorant/anti-perspirant. Gillette razors, Edge shaving gel. Herbal Essences shampoos and conditioners, and Garnier Surf Wax for styling. My travel kit for almost just as long. 

Tag Heuer dive watch. My only accessory, post-college graduation (before that it was a Victorinox watch).

These are the brands I grew up with, the brands I know. Now, post-transition, most all of those brands are gone. There clothes are too (except some of the smaller Carolina shirts). The travel kit still has the same toothpaste, but everything else changed, and there have been a lot of new additions. New deodorant (Dove). LOTS of different eyeliners, mascaras, powders, and so forth. Eye make-up remover (after a failed experiment with a second brand, I'm going back to Almay). I've tried a dozen different moisturizers/lotions. The cabinet under my sink is a graveyard for products that have failed the test in one way or another.

So as a marketer, this whole being a "new" woman thing is interesting to me. When I'm choosing new brands and products, why? I often used to shop based on unit price (and I still do for groceries), but now I'm more aware that sometimes you don't get more 'bang' for the buck (see failed eye-makeup remover experiment). So maybe it's exposure to advertising? Unlike many of friends who grew up as women, I haven't been *as* exposed to marketing for these categories as they have, but I'm still aware of many of the brands like Dove, Secret, Maybelleine, Cover Girl, and so forth. Though I never paid particular attention to their ads, I will admit that I did subconsciously pick up on gender cues from life that I've adopted rather quickly and unconsciously - so it's possible (and probable) that I did the same for brands.

When I ask a friend for her opinion on something, I recognize that she has been using the same product for several years, or has seen it on TV enough, that she believes it is the "best." Maybe it was passed on to her by her mother, her older sister, or her friends. For example, CHI flat-irons - which I've heard are "the best" from several sources. And maybe they *are* "the best," though it begs the question: by what metric? Effectiveness? Cost-effectiveness? The $40 off-brand one I bought off Amazon has been working great for me for the past year. I also know that reviews from "professional sources" are often useless or biased for a variety of reasons. I used to buy those reviews for work, and while the FCC has made laws for greater transparency, not everyone complies.

So will every purchase I make be influenced by my subconscious recall of ads and reviews? Recommendations? Reviews? Trial and error? Some combination thereof? Will I even be able to identify my rationale, or will it just happen?

transition timeline

So I used to make pictures like the one right here to track my progress, because looking at my face over several months shows how much change has actually taken place. Looking at my reflection in the mirror everyday while I brush my teeth masks a lot of the change, because they slowly blur together. You don't notice how much longer your hair has gotten, or how much your face has changed, on a day to day basis.

But instead of just the typical side-by-side photo comparison, I decided to try something new as I expand my multimedia empire (yeah, right). But I did make a YouTube transition video since I doubt that this blog will find a lot of traffic on it's own, so I wanted to make my transition more available to the general public and future (or current) transitioners to realize that - wow, it can get better. So without further hype, here's the video:

a new set of firsts

I recently read a wonderfully written coming out letter by the outgoing American University Student Body President. It reminded me a little bit of my own coming out letter from last year, though I feel she did a much better job articulating her experience. After reading it, I had mixed feelings. Though I was incredibly happy and excited for her, I was also slightly envious – not just of her writing ability, or the platform she has to make change – but because she’s doing this six years before I did. And when that last thought popped in my head, I recalled a comment someone made recently that bothered me: “I have some trans friends who are much further along [than you].”

What does that even mean? At this point I’m living full-time, legally, as a female, what else is there to do? Being ‘further along’ seems to suggest that there are still things left to do. I mean, I have to work on my voice and there are some surgeries to consider, but transition isn’t a race. Coming out isn’t a race. There’s no prize for being first, no harm in being last, and we’re not all even running the same race to begin with. That’s the point of being true to yourself, you get to march to the beat of your own drum instead of what others expect.

Is crowd sourcing the future of retail?

Everyone has heard of Threadless - but were you aware that Threadless has been partnering up with various well-known retail brands (such as Havaianas to crowd-source out the design for other products as well?

I found this infographic a few days ago and imagine that other companies will be following suit (if they aren't already):



Some companies I can think of right off the bat I'd like to see embrace this idea:

Nalgene or Sigg (water bottles)
Chrome/Timbuktu (bag companies)
North Face (or some other winter jacket company)
and any company that makes iPhone cases. Most of the designs are always horrendous.

Grumpy Bear, Volume 1

He does not like his travel arrangements:

OK Go is at it again

After their amazing Rube Goldberg machine video, they come out with this (as always, gotta pop youtube out - thanks blogger):



Specifics about the video: "The fastest we go is 172,800x, compressing 24 hours of real time into a blazing 1/2 second. The slowest is 1/32x speed, stretching a mere 1/2 second of real time into a whopping 16 seconds. This gives us a fastest to slowest ratio of 5.5 million. If you like averages, the average speed up factor of the band dancing is 270x. In total we shot 18 hours of the band dancing and 192 hours of LA skyline timelapse – over a million frames of video – and compressed it all down to 4 minutes and 30 seconds! Oh and don't forget, it's one continuous camera shot."

Star Wars meets Adidas